Keep Moving

by - 12:59 PM

Hey, how are you? How am I? Hahaha. This would be my first and last comment about another sad event of my life.

I didn't pass because I have a grade below 65 in a subject. I didn't even made it as a condi since my general average didn't reached 75 (because of that subject). So it's sad I know. But you know what, believe it or not, I didn't cry because of what happened. Yes, I was sad but it didn't made me cry. Pride? Maybe. I don't know what to feel because this is the very first time in my life to fail in a test. Haha. Crying is just too sad. I don't know. Many people around me cried for me so it made me impaled. I feel guilty because I made them sad. But I hate it when people sympathize me. Gosh, just please don't try. HAHA. So yes, that's my comment.

But I think all the credit goes to the person who was with me during those times. Those moments that I felt I was walking through hell as I went to PRC. Maybe I did not cried but I was losing my breath. I couldn't breathe, yes. He kept my sanity intact. And for that I'm forever thankful. 

From the moment the results came out, I thought I'd survived the news in the early morning around 1am. Time came down at 4am and I was still in denial. The people in the dorm started to sleep and I, too, laid down. But the feeling of disappointment is slowly starting to kick in and I think I was going insane. But he made sure I was okay. Then as early as 5am we met outside. As soon as I got out, I hugged him. No tears fall down. He was just silent. Didn't tried to talk me over about 'This is just one of the challenges of the Lord..' And all clichè bullshits that would make me explode if I'll hear those kind of lines one more time. He just hugged me and we went out for a coffee. I was silent, I didn't want to talk. But he was starting to be sooo talkative. He made me laugh. Talking about other topics except for the results of course. Then I tried to share to him what were my thoughts. My plans. What shall I do. He just commented each thoughts I had -- the pros and cons. He made me calm. He's not the type of person who sugar-coats bullshit suggestions. All he did was he shared to me his thoughts. I feel at ease. I listened. 

After that we separated ways. We actually thought it would be the last time that we'll see each other because my  Mom we'll arrive soon. But another news came and I didn't even made it to the condi list. Of course, it hurt. Before I actually saw the list, he texted me we could get our grades in PRC. So I was happy we will see each other for one last time. As I was walking to where we are meeting, (because he can't go na sa Immac for obvious reasons. Haha) I just downloaded the conditional lists. And as if I was slapped when I didn't saw my name again. I felt dizzy and I amost pass out. I texted him to come walk over and meet me since I was not feeling well. And. As soon as I saw him I walked fast and almost running, I hugged him. He was shocked why because he didn't know. And just like in some movie script, I said, "I did not made it." He hugged me so tight. He asked me to not go in PRC anymore and that I should rest or coffee... But I still pushed we should go in PRC. It was one of the longest walks I had. Each step felt like I was walking through the gates in hell. He tried to stopped me several times but I still insist we go. So yes that's what happened.

This post is just a dedication to hiiim. I'm just so happy I met him. I don't know what would be my situation right now. Maybe I'll be sooo devastated. I'll lock up myself or be crying everyday. But I didn't and it's because of him. My family and friends who sympathized to me just wonder why I'm like this. I didn't feel anything and could still smile haha. But it's because of him. He made me stronger. 

He gave me faith and turned my doubts into hoping. He didn't leave me when I broke down. And I'm forever thankful he got me through it. He knows who I am and what I am capable of doing but he's still there HAHAHA. 

Thanks for everything and I will miss you so muuuch our adventures together in such a short span. Love lots. 

❤️ Cathypurry

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