by - 9:44 PM

This is the first time I'll post about myself solely this year. Hahaha! Puro nalang lablaif walay acads or any aspects sa akong life, eh? So anyways, I'd like to share my near to death experience earlier.

I woke up with my heart feeling a little bit heavier than usual. I woke up with the non-stop coughing. I couldn't breathe and I need a drink. I got out of my room then drank water, sat on my couch then watched tv. Well I tought I was already alright. But then I can hardly breathe, again. I can't talk straightly because it would end up me coughing. My body is in pain so badly. But I just shook it off then drank some over the counter medicine and hoped it will be alright. Time passed in the morning so fast. As you may know, I'm currently brokenhearted (haha!) and because of my 'maoy', I forget that I'm physically in pain in the moment. I thought I was alright then I had a sudden asthma attack. At first I was in denial I'm having asthma because it's been a very long time since I had this sickness. 

I was rushed in the hospital. My body was weak. My blood pressure was low. And I believe it's because I've been neglecting my well-being. And it was also the after-effects from all the stressed that I've been going through-- from academics to... Well you know what I mean. So anyway, after the check up I had an x-ray. I'll get my full result the day after this. But the doctor gave me medicines, more like seven meds (with two inhalers) until the weekend. Then I took my meds and so far so good... 

For a moment there I was really sacred what kind of sickness was this. Though there's no final results on what really is. But for a second there, I really thought I was having tuberculosis because all the symptoms were there. Then it made me reflect about life. Nobody really knows when your time is up. What good is living after you worked hard shit from your education but then a year after that you'll get sick and worst, die. Haha! This is such a dark realization, but it's the truth. The scary truth! 

Anyway, throughout my process in life, I admit I lost my way. I feel so lost right now, that all of my plans for the future are completely forgotten. What was it again? Because I guess I lost myself along the way. I realize what is the point of this again? After graduation, after board, after CPA, what is my plan? Get a work? Urgh so cliché! Why are so people pressured in every stages of their life? Why do we do that? Well, how do you live again? Because honestly, after being a CPA, I don't wanna be like those people who's pressured to find that work right after passing the board. Hmmm chill lang diay? Work is not going anywhere right? Damn, I feel shit right now. Well, whatever. I don't know what to feel. Is this what post-graduation feels? Lol.  I just want to enjoy life the best way I can.

And the best way to do it is to love myself first again. I think that was my mistake. On the process of loving someone, I lost myself. Haha! What was the topic again? Oh yes, the meddds! It's so many I think I'm gonna overdose! XD

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