Chasing Pavements

by - 2:38 AM

Please excuse this post.

And why am I still chasing that person who already left me? Why shall I chase when they were the ones who left?

Because I still believe in the power of love. I still want to try. I still want to fight. But how can I make it work when I know he's never fighting for me? I never left by his side from all those times he needed help. Did he ever realized that? I'm being foolish again by hoping it will all go back to what was once ours. If I have to be blinded from the reality, I will do it just to rekindle what was once ours. But it's so hard because after all those long messages I sent from what I truly felt, no response about it was received. From so many ways I just want to talk to him I know he'll never do the same for me.

I know I should wake up. It's been a week. But here I am still crying everynight until I fall asleep. Hoping he will come back and fight for us. I'll die trying. I'll die waiting. Come what may is all I've been saying. Always convincing myself that one day he'll wake up and realized what he had left and come back to fight for it again. But then again, why am I still chasing when he was the one who left. Why am I even trying when I know he doesn't want it no more. 

Hoping has never been so deadly. I guess this is what happened to me after all the post-stress where I got my sickness. I wish myself well. I will never know when will I recover. Because everyday I'm still hoping he'll come back. Even if it takes more weeks or months. I know I should change my way of thinking but right now, everything is easier said than done.

Tell me, when did you become so cold?  You don't try to talk to me, only after I initiate to talk to you. Give me a true explanation why you left me. :( Because I deserve someone better? BULLSHIT! And yet I still chose you! I'll always choose you over anyone. Why is it so hard for you to see? Have you fallen out of love? Don't you love me no more? :(  

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