Sunday, September 14 @ 8:51 PM 
Hi Cathy, how's life? You've reached this point where you're almost done in reaching your goal. You've been always praying that you will graduate on time and gain that certified profession at only one take.  And I'm asking again, how are you feeling?

Well to be honest, a lot of pressure is been putting on me. There were tremendous amount of dramatic experiences I have and yet to be encountered. I have greatly experienced the ups and downs in this first sem in my fourth year in college. And this sem has not finished yet. Right now I just feel neutral.

I feel neutral in all my aspects in life. All I've been craving right now is to unwind from all of these dramas. From all the heartaches (not really on the lovelife part) I've been through, I have somewhat got used to the pain and I think I'm already immune. Well let's take it one by one, shall we?

Academics: This sem has been all about theories! Less the calculations except for finance/MA though. But do you know what I am afraid of? Facing all those calculations again in the second sem. How was my midterm result so far? I don't know. I think I passed them all. (I THINK) I almost failed most of those subjects though and my grades are bad. Dear readers, yes, this is the struggle of every Accountancy student. (Except for those smart people perhaps) Anyways, I have to strive hard. Double, triple, quadriple-- multiple time! Strive hard to pass those subjects. Invest more time in studying and UNDERSTANDING the concepts. I gotta sacrifice some of my time in other areas even if it means neglecting my duties. 

I never really understood the concept of BALANCING my tasks until I have done it to myself. And yes, it's a constant struggle.

Non-Acad/Co-Cur: Hayy. XU-JPIA. Familia. Yey or nay? Not an easy task to be an officer. And I found myself UNDERemplyoed in my duties. It was never an easy job to handle the media&creative stuff. People think its job is lighter than the actual job of an officer. But really, it's just equvalent or even more. You get sleepless nights to think of a concept and have to deal with all those changes or improvisation they ask even if it is in your most inconvenient time.  -__- And now, we're hosting this biggest event for JPIA the RMYC. Well, goodluck Cathy. #stressgiver

Family: This past week I found myself spending more time with them than I have ever done in first sem. And I had that going for me, which is nice. #stressreliever

Friends/Lovelife/ETC: I feel neutral. I love my friends though not in a romantic way. I am happy I found my true true friends this first sem. And my world has revolved around them that I think I'm neglecting other people around me. In short, there has been a limited interaction I have with other people. Hahaist. 

Let's talk about lovelife. I've been thinking and have accepted that I will never meet my 'the one' in college. (Not yet a guarantee though) but the thing is, I have accepted it already. That is why I am contented with my bestfriends. The point is, I gave up on finding him (whoever he is in the future ❤️) and I am so done in trying. I know this is the problem, you never find love. Love finds you. K, whatever. 

The last person I gave my love to was a tragic. Only one person knows why. TRAGIC, I tell you :) Minsan na nga lang magmahal pero... It would be hard to share this because the topic is so 'delicate' haha this would be the worst scenario of any girl/woman. And we're not even talking about unrequited chever etc. Sampalin ka nga naman ng katotohanan? :P Basta. Hay, sakita ui. :) 

So, as of this moment, I will be closing doors to all the possibilities, if we'll meet, then we will meet. But again, I will now focused on what is more important in my life, my family and academics. :)

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Thursday, September 4 @ 4:51 PM 
The Organization you call "family"

How can something so right feels so wrong all along. 

The one that you used to love ended with you despising it SO MUCH.

I'm so freaking tired with all the bullshits I encounter. And if it were not for the members, I have already given up a long long time ago. I don't hate the org but I hate the administration. And yes I know I'm part of it. 

@ 4:49 PM 
Life is cruel. Life is a living hell. Well, that is, if you chose to be affected from all the negativities in life. At 19, I've already experienced how harsh life can be. The demanding subjects, harsh teachers, all the fake people backstabbing at you, the organization that you call your 'family'. All those things are already grounds for one to be stumbled down and yet I'm here still smiling not even giving a fck about them. And trying to build walls and not be affected about the insensitiveness they bring.

This post will be all about some tips (mainly rants though) on how to survive life at 19. 

Accept that you can never please everyone.
Maybe some of you grew up believing that all people likes you because they treat you nicely. Well guess what, one day you'll wake up and think all the people hates you. You just made a mistake and some people will use that mistake over and over again and slap it on your face. They're so thick-skinned that they think they have a "hold" on you. They believe that they can control you because you made that mistake. They will laugh at you, tease you, and make you feel that you're nothing. They will look down on you and feel so high about themselves. BUT they don't know that behind all those humilations they throw, they're just making a fool out of themselves. They make fun of people not knowing how we are laughing not because of their jokes but because of their stupidity. 

Some people are so arrogant that they don't have a clue while they're thinking highly of themselves all of the people around hates them with disgust. While they're taking the chance to degrade other people they just don't know how those people will gather up and talk how insensitive they were. Sometimes people will go OUT OF LINE that it will come to the point they are already demoralizing the person. Endless backstab here, endless talk there. If talking is not even enough, they publicize it thinking they'll make there targets aware. But it just goes way out of line they never thought how it will affect in the long term. They want others to feel that they are superior and people shall fear them. When really, they're just producing hatred of the people againts them. It's all BULLSHIT. 

Never let yourself be affected.
You will only get hurt if you let them hurt you. How to cope up with it? DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM. Analyze those words and let it sink in to you. I never understood its essence until I applied it to myself. I have received numerous violent words thrown to me and do I let myself get affected? NO. I never cried in what they've done. They will never affect me because I don't give a fck about them. I'm not even interested at all. Simple as that.

Do you know when will I get hurt? Only if those words came to the people I truly love and care about. If I imagine them doing those things to me, I don't know how will I react. Maybe at this time some of you will find it hard to understand, but just wait till it happens to you, too. Hehe. Just remember that anyone who tries to bring you down is already BELOW YOU.

Know your true friends.
Growing up I realized I don't need tons of friends to be truly happy. Life made me realized that most of them will never be there if I have nothing. In my fourth year in college, now I realize the value of true friendship. They make me feel safe and secure. When I'm with them I am truly happy and have never been this contented in life. 

When everything seems so wrong and a lot of demands are pushing me down, I just remain calm because my bestfriends will comfort me. They know how I go and that is what I love about them.  I can never imagine my life and how I can even survived if not with them. They are the only people I could count on and mostly my world revolves around them (plus family and studies). I never felt so complete before and they are one of the reasons I chose to smile. The reason why I'm optimistic. I just love love loveee them so much :)) Even when the time of the month comes when I feel so depressed, they are the ones whom I can lean on. Thinking about them now gives me a whole good vibes!

And this is where I realize those people who tried to bring me down are just plain old sad people. According to T Swift they are bunch of liars, pathetic, alone in life and mean. :) 

My parents are my greatest treasure of all. THEY NEVER LET ME DOWN. They are so supportive. Even when I am a prodigal daughter to them, they still welcomed me with wide open arms. I am a spoiled, rebellious daughter. But even so, they accepted this part of me. I dearly love them. They will always make time to meet me even at their busiest schedule. They are truly amazing. Even if they don't know how others are bullying me, they gave me the strength to carry on. They value our relationship more than anyone else. They are the best parents in the world. And I would be so lost without them. 

Though sometimes I feel like the worst daughter ever. Example: Choosing over my organization than spending time with them? It was worst. And I really was sorry and at that point I was so disappointed at myself. But now things have changed. I will always choose them especially if they ask to. 

So imagine guys, how celebrities deal with all the bullshts that the people/media are throwing to them? I just can't imagine it. They're just so immune to it. #IDOL

So now, my theme for this post is Taylor Swift's MEAN :)  for all the bullied, this song's for you!

"You, with your words like knives
And swords and weapons that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again
Got me feeling like I'm nothing
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard
Calling me out when I'm wounded
You picking on the weaker man

You can take me down with just one single blow
But you don't know, what you don't know...

Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides
And your wildfire lies and your humiliation
You have pointed out my flaws again
As if I don't already see them
I walk with my head down
Trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again

I bet you got pushed around
Somebody made you cold
But the cycle ends right now
'Cause you can't lead me down that road
And you don't know, what you don't know...

Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now in a bar
Talking over a football game
With that same big loud opinion
But nobody's listening
Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things
Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing
But all you are is mean

All you are is mean
And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

But someday I'll be living in a big ol' city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean, yeah
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so?..

Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city (Why you gotta be so?..)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean (Why you gotta be so?..)
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me (Why you gotta be so?..)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?"

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