Ewwww. Sounds so cheesy, right?
Saturday, January 25 @ 10:29 PM
Well, forgive this post and the next words I'm going to tell you. This is a very nostalgic moment for me. I do not know what had urged me to write this topic but I think there would be a bottomline...
My parents and I we're driving home and the radio played, 'Someday We'll Know' which was followed by some Mandy Moore songs. Like what the hay, are they trying to trick me or something? The thing about these songs, is that I associate it to someone I know. Or let's just say... somebody that I used to know? :P
Okaay let me warn you that you might know who I will be talking about. AND in my defense, I don't care. I mean there's nothing left to say. It's done. Over. Zero. You ready? I will be sharing to you a very sentimental (but over) piece of my life. So here it goes:
It's been a year and a half since I first met this, uhm, person. I think I saw that person first during our nstp and from that moment I saw him..... he looked so familiar. Well fast forward, I kept denying that I was madly in love (pwe, ew. haha). Because I think I was utterly obsessed? It was my first time ever in my life that I was distracted. Like you could totally relate to every love songs? And your friends kept telling you're blooming. You go to class early everyday and when you just see that person, it's a brighter day! (ew)
But I don't wanna detail what happen because it will become toooooo obvious. If you'll have an intensive research through my blog, you'll discover how obsessed I was. -- Happily but still-controlled feelings though. But every story has a falling part/denouement. Well you might think because it's unrequited? Hahaha, no. I just know. It's not assuming at all because it's a mutual understanding kind of relationship thing. I know that if he'll just asked that one question, then I will be his. But the sad thing about it...... is that it's not only me.
That guy is so dumb that he thought he might have this shot with this other girl which is sooo obvious that there's no chance between them at all. I always believed at 'giving the best shot for the last time'. And so I did. We had this project where we teamed up. I knew it was the dream. But on that day, it just made me realized that it's completely over. Nothing.
This run through for almost a year. He was there at the party. We danced. But it was like a farewell kind of dance. He got this long message he gave. I knew I have to feel something but there's just nothing. There's this inner gut feeling of, 'too late'.
I practically learned a huge big lesson. And it taught me how to handle things like this maturely. I learned that I should not over give what I don't have. And I know this is just too bad. But I'm afraid what he did to me..... I apply it to others. WHICH IS FREAKING BAD I KNOW. It's purely unintentional. I don't want to do it. (as if there is, though?) I don't wanna be like him. Nor I don't want to be Summer in 500 days of Summer. Ehehe
So anyway, I saw that person again last tuesday in Centrio with his arms around his girl. I guess he found his at last and I am about to find mine. The expected feeling would be I might be jealous but you know what? I just feel neutral. I'm happy he has his and that's it. He's just another entity and totally unrelated to me.
And as the song goes; 'Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you'...? Now I know. Because of that incident I think I found mine. ACHUCHUCHU. But I know this 'mine' person is still in love with his past (not gf but love) -- but I don't care. I will wait (until he'll love me back? ACHICHICHI). And when that time comes I will be singing, 'Please be careful with my heart'. 'I will be true to you.' ACHACHACHA. haha. Sounds so ewnezz.
But unlike before, I will have a different approach. Not like the past. But this time, I will be patient. Because I fell in love through the songs he sings and the piano he plays. (HEHEHE) AYAW SABA. I just feel/ I just like him because I know that I'll be proud to have him. (ABLABLABLA HAHA) It was truly an eye opener when I saw this statement that goes: 'Be with someone you're proud to have with and vice versa' (revised statement)
And the thing about 'pers lab' is they do die. HEHE.
I know this will hurt me. But I just don't care. I must not have any expectations. Oh well. So corny.
Labels: adik sayo, crazy, flicks, happy, i'll be, love, new inspiration, stupid for you
AT THIS MOMENT I'M JUST FO FCKING MAD. I DON'T KNOW THE EXACT REASON BUT ANYWAY...
Monday, January 20 @ 7:01 PM
I remembered before I made a hatred poem and whenever I'll feel angry, I'll just read it because it says it all. AND today I'm just so angry that I decided to search it and read it again.
The second one is NOT hell all about that but the feels' of hatred-ness says it all.
Some poems are just full of wonders. Lol. But in that post, I poured all the accumulated hatred I felt inside. What amazes me is that it was made Almost a YEAR AGO! January 30 --- and today is January 20! I think there's some kind of curse about this. I will not be surprised if next year, January 10, I'll feel it again.
I think this is just an accumulated anger not from a specific person but also for the others. There were some hurtful words I've encountered for the past 2 days. I've been used to every words that's been thrown to me since I was in elementary. But what struck it all the most was that person you thought was respectful and full of discipline was not like that after all.
You will never do a prank without any solution. I've even painted only the pinky finger. But anyways, you could throw any words at me just NOT that Y word to ANY girl. Since that incident, I will never look at that person the same way before. No person ever did that. And yes, I'm having these 'tears of anger' now.
But whatever. Sadness set aside. Life goes on. Wherever this will take, come what may. But not now. Just not now. It's still fresh. And it will always hurt.
Labels: friends, sad, serious, tae, tsk
Friday, January 17 @ 11:27 PM
Alright.... This is a very bad timing. At this moment I am studying for our last final midterm exam in Law. Now, as I was studying, I remember this very hilarious moment I had in our class.
I was called in our oral exam (yes, we have it every meeting) I don't know if I was caught off guard or was not prepared for that certain article because I keep on asking our Proffessor to repeat the question. "I beg your pardon Ma'am?" This and that. UNTIL I think I got my prof pissed and she said, 'Miss Tugap are you deaf?' Haha.
Now trying to act cool and gracefully~ I said it in a most honest way. 'Well yes Ma'am I think I have a hearing impairment...' Now my blockmates were laughing. And then she asked again, 'Well have you checked it up in the hospital?' I replied, 'We tried maam but I don't really know what happened'
Haha what a bullsh reply. And the ending was she asked me to come in exactly at her front so that I won't keep on asking to repeat her questions. THAT WAS A SICK PLAY. Like seriously. My bmates laughed LOL.
But in all seriousness... ( CONFESSION CATHY MODE )
I honestly have a hearing impairment. My parents did notice it since I was young. That incident in law made me realize and confirmed this problem. Now my friends don't really believe in me and I, too, seemed that I just made it all up. (Which is true for so many reasons) haha.
Fast forward. I was a very sickly child. Antibiotics was like my bestfriend. I always get a flu in every other month when I was in elementary but seldomnly in HS. I also have this problem about my runny/clogged nose. Well, before, it would always take 2-3 months before it will be healed. IMAGINE. Just the blowing of my nose would already make me deaf. And as usual, antibiotics was just by my side. And oh, did I mention, taking this drug will cause you a side effect in long term? And yes, hearing impairment.
BUT NOOOO.. As I'm getting older, I'm taking a safe step forward. I would take care of myself better when I was a youngster. And HOLY CRAP. Deafness is my worst fear-- followed by blindness!
They say using earphones would impair your hearing. TRUE though. But it's just more different than this drug intake your having and all the sickness you had.
NOW YOU HEAR MY STORY.
Always be extra careful to yourself.
Labels: catziee, school, serious