Friday, April 19 @ 9:18 PM
A recap from my previous theme.
(Didn't proofread. Excuse the spelling and the grammar. And especially the obvious but unconsciously errors.)
Sorry. The atmosphere here is very melodramatic thanks to Channel V's playlist now. I'm reminiscing the past and can't help asking, Why, What happened?
Before, we're full of smiles... It was a carefree moment. But in one blink of an eye, it was all gone. It was like having a good dream until you woke up to reality.
This is the fate of an XU Accountancy Student.
It's not a guarantee that those people you are with from your 1st year to 2nd year will be with you 'till you graduate.
Do you know what's the wake up call for all of us? BOOM.
To proceed or not to proceed in 3rd Year with the same program.
But this post is not all about proceeding. I'll get to that later.
This post is all about what I'm feeling inside since the beginning of our summer class.
To tell you the truth, the only reason I get up every morning is because we are required to take up our class. Well, yes, I have the power if I should take my summer classes or not. But, will I want to extend my stay here and not graduate on time? Heck, no.
But right now, I feel like all the people of my life just died. This is the worst feeling ever. Well, it's okay to be alone. But surrounding yourself with the people that make you feel alone? That's the worst case scenario. A part of me just died and I can't deny that.
People are parting ways. All my loved/liked ones are going on separate ways. This is even worst than all kinds of break ups. (Not that I experienced it, yet.)
Two weeks have passed since the start of my summer class. And even if I often laugh at our class, talking to people, and trying to listen to our teacher, it can't be helped how I feel so sad right now. Sad is even an understatement. I guess this is the path where we will truly find ourselves. Or, is this a part of growing up?
Even when we constantly see each other or even text to each other, it is not enough. It is not enough with the fact that I am so afraid to face the reality of having to endure two years of pain living without those people I used to be with. Those people who have become so familiar to me. Those people whom I can call my family.
But this is not only about my circle of friends but also to my other colleagues. I guess I wasn't ready at all. I guess I haven't thought the possibility of this outcome.
Those you considered the epic and the fun people. Those you could not believe that they did not make it. Those you could not believe they part ways even if they still have the chance. Those people whom you could say that completes our batch. Those whom you could say that have a great potential. Those people that you really like.
Gone. They. Are.
It was as if we just had an apocalypse. I feel like I'm living in the dark. I feel like I'm using too much feels with this post.
But back to my point. Those people who gave you those smiles were now gone. If they're not even gone, they just didn't want to stick around. And with this, I feel like pulling myself. I want space. I just need some time to think. And I just need some time to swallow all of this and get used to it.
It is a matter of time that this will all gone. And I hope it will be soon.
It is a matter of time that this will be gone. And then I could say I'm home.
It is a matter of time that this will finally end. And then I could say it made me stronger.
But right now, I need to face the fact that I am
E M P T Y.
Labels: bad day, rant, serious, tsk