by - 8:27 PM

Si Lord na talaga, si Lord na! I never knew He would answer me instantly and so soon. As you can see, I just tweeted that 24 hours ago and what happened now? ?

Shoooooting tadhana! Di dyud ko nimu iparecover ba!? Did you know habang nagtype ko sa akong blog, nag text sya?! bueeeeeng. When I was in greenwhich, I saw arghhh nevermind. BUT NICE TRY, NICE TRY. My friend, clarissa, would completely understand this.

Shoot, I can't concentrate anymore, look who decidedly to show up by texting. DARN YOU! WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME CRAZY!?

Anyways cathy focus, you are here to blog all your hatred against the boys and how they just play with you.

Do you know how funny it is that I just made my blog below, just this morning?! About the "can't help falling inlove"... And how God answered my tweet about being brokenhearted? Well guess what, congratulations to me, I'm officially BROKENHEARTED. I ended up all of my feelings for "landon". Gosh, even thinking or saying he's name makes me want to puke.

I know my friends has warned me not to rush things over, the song "can't help falling in love" explains everything. I wish I knew then, what I know now. I've been so "blooming", "inspired", "enthusiastic" like what my friends say but I didn't know what to feel right now when the time had come. I mean, WHY DID IT HAVE TO END SO SOON?!

But I'm trying to change things over, those JAMIE SULLIVAN attitude I've been showing off, eg. happy, sweet, kind, smiling etc., will be tweaked. I'll show the rihanna and britney side of me. Rihanna got fiercer and bold and shows her other side. And I'm gonna be CATHY. For those who don't know who the real cathy is, She is oozing with confidence, got some bitchy attitude and the chick. Sorry to disappoint you but in a conversation, I will mostly express a blank and i-don't-care eyes.

It was a big lesson. It proved me two things:
1. when I'm infatuated, ibuhos nako akong self sa ilaha without thinking of my own
2. since I learned that one, it made me love myself more.

Wow, so my back up plan is already applicable this time right? My song would be WIDE AWAKE by KATY PERRY after all. I'll be singing this song when I'm around him.

an excerpt from the song:

"I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was in the dark
I was falling hard
With an open heart
I'm wide awake
How did I read the stars so wrong
I'm wide awake
And now it's clear to me
That everything you see
Ain't always what it seems
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was dreaming for so long

I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
Till I woke up on
On the concrete
Falling from cloud 9
Crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight
(Yeah I'm) Falling from cloud 9
I'm wide awake
Not losing any sleep
I picked up every piece
And landed on my feet
I'm wide awake
Need nothing to complete myself - nooohooo
I'm wide awake "

He was strong enough to let me down, I'm gonna show him how strong I am getting up.

I know my friends would probably respond to this by singing:
"That's what you get
When you let your heart win, whoa
That's what you get
When you let your heart win, whoa"

YES, I AM WIDE AWAKE. I can now focus on my primary goal, academics. I can see myself tomorrow being in a bad mood and looking at negative things especially those people who are in love. I'll be like, cursing you. Sorry.

For the meantime, when I was down, I didn;t know that my feelings for someone has come back. He is not a distraction like that guy but he is my inspiration. I don't know if people will say that he is probably a "panakip-butas" but when he smiles, I can't help but smile back at him too. He was my everything before, and I can't believe I'll probably fell for him again? What do you think?

♥ Cathypurry

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